I dont really talk much about how hard this deployment is on me. I mainly just talk about how the girls are doing with it. I say to people often how time is flying by and we are in the swing of things. Honestly we are. But many times during the day it seems we are just at a stand still. After today I am greatful for the support system I have. Honestly if I couldnt pick up the phone and call some of you I would probably have melt downs a lot.
Today during a flat tire.. I am not telling how it got flat. But lets just say I am pre occupied with a lot right now. I some how managed to make it to the ford dealer ship. The guy told me there it would be about 2 1/2 hours. With holding tears back I said to him ok that wouldn't be a problem if someone could come and pick us up. I am not sure if it was the panic look on my face or what.. he then said well there is a tire shop down the road I knew I couldn't drive any father. He took a look at the tire, mind you this is the guy behind the service counter that doesn't do service. He then said do you have a spare he said I will change it right here in the parking lot. I somehow managed to not bust into tears. He talked to me about both of his sons that are in the military and his daughter who is about to marry a pilot. I honestly think it is truly those kind of people that are willing to help one another. This guy could of easily made me wait but decided to do it himself. I am so thankful for this kindness.
I honestly don't expect anyone to understand the day to day struggles that I have right now.. but I do expect to have some support. I am 24/7 worried about my girls that I barely get time to worry about how I feel. Or much less stress about the reality of a the situation. I dont need people to remind me that that it isn't to long, or wont be much longer. I understand the reality of where my husband is I don't need it brought to my attention. I find myself not sleeping worrying about things I cant control, I have always been good at pushing stuff in the back of my mind. But they some how surface at the end of the day when all my worries with the girls are laid down. So please understand that I am strong but only for so long.
Well I guess after today I just needed one blog to maybe help some of you understand a day here for me. It goes beyond so many more things than most can imagine. Jas and I are such a strong team it seems like I am trying to do everything with just one arm because he is my other one. He is my person, and I really miss my person!
Now I am gonna try to do that thing called sleep that I miss so much.. Because tomorrow is a new day and Jazi has dance in the morning, I am as excited as she is! Tomorrow I don't have time to be sad or worried about anything but those girls, So I needed to get it all out tonight. Thanks for hearing me..
Jerrica, it's the kindness of strangers that brings us to realize that someone is watching over us during those times when we need it the most. He is always there for us even though we do not see Him, manifesting Himself in others for our needs. You have to remember, tears are healing. You don't have to hold them back, but just pick the right time to cleanse yourself through them and then move on knowing that they have been heard and all will be ok. You really are a strong young lady, with two beautiful girls and each day you go through that is tough, will only make you stronger. Rest assured that He knows what you are going through and is guiding you and loving you every step of the way. I love you girl, if you ever need to talk, I will be here.
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